Muck
by LavenderCrystalOfRoses
Summary: For some, getting stuck in the mud can be humiliating. But for Thorin's company, it can also be a learning experience. Movieverse.


**A/N: My first attempt at hobbit fandom...*Takes a deep breath* Anyway, I hope you like it, and don't forget to review when you're done! :)**

It was noon. After an unpleasent downpour the day before, there was not a cloud in the sky.

_If only it wasn't so muddy!_ Dwalin lamented silently as he looked for a dry spot to sit.

The company had stopped to rest on a sloping range of hills, below was a stretch of grassy woodland, or, at least, a would have been stretch of grassy woodland, the rain had made it into a muddy bog. A few rations were passed out, and Dwalin chewed on his hard-tack slowly as he looked around, Fili and Kili were tussling around, using wooden swords. Kili gave a cry of delight as he won a round of sparring.

Gandalf was off somewhere. No one knew, exactly, when the wizard would return, probably in a couple of hours.

Nori, that scoundrel, was giving Ori tips on his slingshot, and Bombur was making more hard-tack.

Dwalin glanced back at Kili and Fili and realized no longer were the Durin brothers tusseling. Swords tossed aside, they now were whispering and pointing at... _him_. Dwalin lay back. Let them do as they liked, he could get them later. When Thorin had them get up and get going, Dwalin had forgotten about Fili and Kili's whispered schemes. But he would soon remember.

As he got up, Kili stood before him. Kili smiled up at him. "Hello, Mr. Dwalin." Dwalin was instantly suspiscious. He knew what went on when Kili flashed his angel smile. The smile that signaled signaled mischief was afoot. Also the fact that Fili was nowhere to be seen, another telltale sign. Dwalin glowered down at the young prince.

"WRRRROARR!" Yelled someone behind him. Fili. They were trying to frighten him. He turned around, wearing his fiercest scowl. As he did, he lost his balance when he tripped over a sword that (he was certain) Fili and Kili had planted there. All it took was a gentle shove from Fili... And Dwalin found himself taking a tumble. Slowly as he progressed downward, it became more of a slide then a tumble, as he neared the bog.

He heard Kili yelling, "Fee! Fee! shouldn't he have stopped rolling by now?"

"Ummm, Yes!" Came Fili's nervous shout.

Alarmed, Dwalin clawed vigorously at the mucky slope, but to no avail, he landed in the bog, and started to sink.

Before he sank too far, however, he managed to grab a conveniant root that sticking out of the ground just behind him from a nearby tree and seated himself onto it.

Fili yelled down, "Dwalin! Dwalin! Are you alright?!"

Dwalin choked on the mud and yelled up, "I'm fine, but you two won't be for much longer!" Fili and Kili cringed and started sidestepping nervously along the trail.

Then Thorin called down, "Dwalin, take a moment from threatening my nephews and come back up! We're leaving!" Dwalin nodded (He wasn't certain they'd seen the nod) and wrapped his arms around the trunk to climb from where he sat and crawl back up to the company.

Well, the problem was...he couldn't. The mud was so thick it was like it had infused with his legs, and he couldn't seem to maneuver off his root. Several minutes and vain efforts passed by. Thorin, who was by now getting very impatient, yelled down, "Dwalin, what are you doing?! We have to move along!"

Dwalin gave one more huge effort. There was a faint sucking noise...and then he was back on his root. Five more minutes passed without event. Then Thorin Oakenshield, who'd known him most of his life, realized the situation and yelled down, "Dwalin, are you stuck?" It killed Dwalin to say it. It just killed him. "Noo...yes." he called up.

There was a muffled snickering, probably Fili and Kili, which was abruptly stopped someone else, probably Thorin. There was an awkward silence following. Above, Mr. Baggins, who sometimes got a bit scatterbrained in situations such as these, said, "How about we use some oil? That's what we use in the Shire when a hobbit child gets there head stuck between the stairs."

His suggestion was met by more silence, save for when Thorin snapped, "It's _mud_, you dolt. Oil, I think, would make matters worse."

Balin said, "Oh, go easy on the lad. I'll just go down and get him."

Before he could get very far down, he stumbled. Thorin lunged forward and pulled Balin back up before he could slide down the same way Dwalin had.

"We don't need two dwarves down there." He informed. Balin nodded soberly.

Thorin yelled down to Dwalin, who wasn't in the greatest of moods(as you can imagine) "Well...are you stuck very bad?" Translation: Do you need a little help, or a lot of help?

Dwalin assessed the situation, then admitted reluctantly, using as few words as possible,"It's bad."

Thorin turned to his companions. "So...anyone got any ideas?"

Dori remarked, "It's simple. All we need is a rope." So they got the longest rope they had and gave it a toss. That didn't work very well. It would have been a fine tool if Dwalin were in a pit, or if some poor soul was drowning, but here, on a slope that was a tad steep and a tad slippery, and with a light weight rope so they couldn't really throw it that well, it just moored up partway downwards, and the hill was mostly slick mud below.

They stared at it in disappointment. "Blast," Said Thorin.

Kili suggested timidly, "Why don't we attach a war hammer? That way we could heft it down."

Thorin wouldn't have any of that. "We don't want to give him a concussion, we just want to get him out of there." He said it sharper then he intended.

Gloin had an idea."I know!" He yelled in excitement, and everyone (including Dwalin) glanced at him. "We could make a winch and haul him back up!" He said in a wave of excitement. Ori , Nori, Kili and Fili agreed with him.

"That's perfect!"

"Awesome!"

"Oh boy, a winch!"

"I'll get the supplies!" Yelled Ori.

In a few minutes he was back with some wood.

Fili snorted. "We'll need more wood then that!"

"And metal!" Said Nori.

"Hey, won't we need a welder for the metal?" Wondered Fili.

"And a crank for the winch!" Reminded Kili.

"Uncle, where do we keep our welder and our crank?" Asked Fili.

Thorin glowered at him. "Fili, we don't _have _a welder or a crank."

"Oh." Said Fili.

"Oh." Said Kili.

"Oh." Said Ori.

"Oh." Said Nori.

"Oh." Said Gloin.

Dwalin overheard that particular suggestion. He did not like idea at all, and yelled up, "I am NOT coming up on a winch!"

Scratch the winch.

Bofur shook his head. "No, here's what we'll do..."

* * *

Five minutes later, 12 dwarves plus one hobbit found themselves with there hands on each others shoulders, with Bombur at the top and Fili and Kili at the bottom, making there way towards Dwalin, who was waiting impatiently for his rescue. Thorin, who was eighth in the lineup felt a jolt of horror as he lost his balance. "Watch out! I-I'm slipping!" He abruptly shouted . There was an increase in speed...

And then, they were heading..._upwards. _Suddenly Bombur stood over them. "You're lucky I had a foothold!"Bombur said reprovingly, gesturing towards a nearby rock .

Bofur said, "Well...let's try it again!"

"No way! I nearly broke my neck down there!" Said Fili.

"I'm with you," said Oin.

"Let's try something different." Said Thorin.

* * *

Grouped on the hill, the thirteen wannabe rescuers discussed their options.

"Blast, where's Gandalf? He'd have some brilliant trick up his sleeve, no doubt." Groaned Thorin.

"I still say we attach a warhammer to the rope so it will get down all the way," said Kili.

"Kili! It's too dangerous!" Reprimanded Thorin.

"It maybe our only option." Pointed out Kili.

"Kili. _Think!_ We try to throw a warhammer at Dwalin, tryimg to get it as close to to him as possible. What do you supposewill happen?"

"I know, but we don't have any other options."

"Kili. would Dwalin and the rest of the company be right now if it hadn't been for you and your brother's prank?" Asked Thorin, exasperated.

"Many miles ahead to a suitable camping place." Said Kili sullenly, glancing at the darkening sky.

"Yes. So don't talk about options like that to me."

Balin leaned over and whispered, "Lad, Thorin's not trying to be harsh. He's known Dwalin most of his life and hates to see his good friend in a fix."

"And neither do I, him being my brother and all." He murmured half to himself.

* * *

_Meanwhile_

Dwalin sat on his root. There wasn't much else to do. He gave a half-hearted attempt to pull free. It didn't succeed. He wondered what the company was doing. It was awfully quiet up there, but he could still see a mass of shadows, and heard quiet talking, they hadn't gone anywhere. He stared at the mud in distaste. Oh, blast, how humiliating this was.

* * *

At the moment, Bilbo, at the top of the hill, was suggesting another plan-

"So then, Bombur makes a huge hard-tack, and we toss it down, and use it to shove-"

Bofur, Fili, Kili, and Oin interrupted him with gales of laughter.

Bombur smiled in amusement, and replied humorously, "Mr. Baggins, I know I'm a good cook, but I don't think that I'm that good, even if we had that much flour."

As for Thorin, the combination of lack of covering ground and Dwalin's problem had put him in a bad mood.

"Halfling, we have no time for jokes!" He snapped.

"I'm serious, Thorin, in the Shire-"

"Mr. Baggins-" Balin cut in. Bilbo glanced at him.

"My brother will not be keen on your suggestion even if we could make that much hard-tack." Said Balin knowingly.

Across camp, Fili whispered to Kili, who was looking a bit downtrodden, "At least we didn't try it on Bombur. _Then _there would have been a _problem_."

Kili started to laugh slightly, cheered, then froze, gaiety vanished.

Bombur was staring at them. Shock and hurt were all over his face. He'd heard.

"S-sorry, Bombur," whispered Fili. Bombur got up and started pacing, looking a bit zoned out.

"What is he doing?" Asked Kili to no-one in particular.

Bombur's brother, Bofur glared at him."You offended him, laddie."

Bombur sat back down.

* * *

"We need to think." Said Thorin.

They all thought.

"Oh! I know!" Said Dori.

Everyone stared at him.

"Well see, we-" Dori began. Then he frowned and sat back down. "Never mind, it wouldn't work."

Nori snickered.

"Well, _you _think of something to help Dwalin!" Dori snapped at his younger brother.

Nori stopped snickering.

They all thought some more.

Then Bombur, who had been particularly quiet after Fili's tactless remark, stood and said he had an idea. "We need ropes. And, water." He said. The dwarves agreed. And once more, began to collaborate.

* * *

Dwalin was waiting for Gandalf. Thorin had told him. Actually yelled down to him.

Where was the wizard?

Then...

"Dwalin! Change of plans! We're going to try one last thing!" Shouted Thorin.

_Fine by me, _Dwalin thought.

_Come to think, _The dwarf-chain would have be funny, them all trooping down in line and then being pulled up the way one reels in fishing line, if he hadn't been awaiting rescue. Fortunately because of his root he didn't seem to be in any real danger of drowning.

* * *

Bombur yanked at the rope, firmly tied to the tree trunk, courtesy of Nori Son Of Florin. The dwarves had been ready to give Bombur's idea a shot, and they had all pitched in, but now some of them weren't so sure.

"It's the same idea with the rope and the dwarf-chain like before, just combined." Pointed out Oin skeptically. "Just with a few twists-no pun intended," he said, looking at the ropes.

"Its a bit different now." Said Bofur, sticking up for his brother.

"Yup." Mumbled Bombur, grateful for the encouragement.

Then it was ready.

* * *

Imagine you are a bird.

You are watching the dwarves (and hobbit) work on that plan through your sharp bird eyes. From where you're perched, you can see There is something tied and rolled on to one of the trees at the top of the hill. It looks like a rope ladder.

(Only you only know what it is, you don't know what it's called because you're a bird.)

There is another dwarf down there, at the bottom of the hill, sitting on a tree root, and he's been there for quite a while.

You briefly wonder if he's there out of free-will, or if he can't leave.

He looks impatient and restless.

And then they are and then they are rolling the weird rope thing down the hill, some are climbing down. It only reaches halfway, you realize. Have they failed? You let out a squawk of surprise as the dwarves come dangerously close to your perch, then relax as they get what they need and give you some space.

Your peace isn't for long, though, as suddenly there are a great sound of water, and shouting.

Terrified, you take flight and depart. But not before you see, that, finally, the other dwarf is off his root.

* * *

The plan worked, although not without a hitch.

There were a few close calls, like when the water took a moment to thin the mud around Dwalin, and when the rope got tangled with the ladder for afew seconds.

Bilbo nearly fell when he dumped the water at Dwalin.

( He didn't. Bofur grabbed his hand and kept him steady)

And Dwalin barely caught the rope in time.

Yes, the plan had a few hitches.

Instead, what we'll say is that all 13 dwarves and one hobbit got safely to the top of the hill. And who do you think was waiting for them?

"Hello, dwarves and hobbit." Gandalf said.

* * *

_Later, at camp on a stone plateau a quarter mile away_

Dwalin had on dry clothing.

As a punishment, Fili and Kili were doing all the washing that night.

Thorin, Bilbo, and Gandalf were conversing.

"I don't understand why you were gone for so long!" Exclaimed Thorin.

"Was I?" responded Gandalf. "_I_ was surprised at how little progress you'd made. Did you get a little _bogged down, _maybe?"

Bilbo started to explain, but then froze. _Bogged down. _Those were the words he'd used. Did he say that on purpose? He glanced at Thorin, who in turn glanced back at him. He'd noticed too.

Dwalin stretched his legs, enjoying his reacquired freedom. He glanced around camp.

Fili and Kili, those scoundrels, were laughing and arguing, and putting soap-bubbles in eachother's hair.

Dori and Nori were bickering, like most of the time, until Ori quietly presented them with two identical knitted scarves. Dori and Nori both embraced their little brother in thanks.

Bombur was eating his stew and chatting with Bifur and Bofur in khuzdul, while Mr. Baggins told them something about an enourmous piece of hard tack used to pull a plow out of the mud.

Oin and Gloin sat in quiet companionship.

Bilbo, Gandalf, and Thorin were talking in friendly tones. Gandalf said something that left the other two dumbstruck.

Balin, his older brother, sat close to him.

Then a thought struck him. They had all tried so hard, and succeeded eventually just for him, and so eager had he been to forget about it, that all he'd just nodded and grunted thanks?He got up. He had a few dwarves to talk too.

**A/N: Finished! At last! I hope you enjoyed it.**

**So...did Gandalf use his super-wizard powers to figure out what happened to Dwalin, or did he know the whole time and just kept hush-hush about it because he knew it would end the they it did?**

**You decide. :D**


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